CATEGORY: CENTRAL OREGON
(A college assignment to write an essay on Television)

One of the great wonders of our modern age, now available to everyone, and certainly one that no individual should be without, is that incredible new development: No-Television, or more commonly NOTV, as happy addicts have named it.  In order to understand the tremendous psychological, emotional and physical benefits to be derived from NOTV, one must first know what it is.  No-Television is an absent piece of household furniture containing electronic equipment for the purpose of transmitting visual programs into the home.  I would like to show how the education and entertainment provided by NOTV invigorates the mind and body and how the sight and sound of it soothes the senses.

A most important advantage of No-Television is that of education.  One of the first enlightening discoveries that one makes upon acquiring this medium is that there are real live people in the world.  One learns how to speak to these people and converse with them and is thus introduced to a most delightful new method of learning via communication.  Another educational advantage is that NOTV introduces one to books.  This leads to familiarity with such institutions as the public library and book stores.  NOTV also allows busy people time to attend museums, art and music centers, college classes and join little theater groups and educational clubs.

There is another aspect of No-Television that combines enlightenment with economy.  This is No-Advertising, or NOA.  NOA is a process by which people are not informed about such things as which cigarette is the mildest, coolest and longest smoking; which detergent pollutes the most water; which refrigerator is the coldest; which range the hottest or which washer the wettest.  It saves countless hundreds of dollars because children are brainwashed into asking for no sugar pops and no super crunchies.

The entertainment value equals that of education.  People can go to plays and concerts and attend all sorts of interesting public and social gatherings.  It also trains them to use their own imagination.  They can indulge in hobbies for fun and profit.  I know a man who, thanks to NOTV, became so intrigued with his own imaginative potential that he decided to make a moving picture.  He wrote his own play, photographed, directed and produced it, and then sold it for a very handsome profit—–to a television company.

There are also definite physical advantages to NOTV.  One of the first things a new owner discovers is that there are other parts of the anatomy besides the part used for sitting.  He finds that immediately adjoining and just beneath this apparatus there are two legs which when used to support the body, suddenly elevate the head above the window sill.  This brings the realization that there is something on the other side of the wall.  Such a revelation often motivates sporting activities which promote physical fitness and athletic skills.

One of the most soothing sounds in the world is the sound of No-Television.   It is varied depending upon local broadcasts.  Among the more frequent broadcasts in central Oregon are meadow larks singing.  One can hear the wind when it is blowing and the sputtering of rain and sleet in a storm.  Often in the late evening on the nature channel, there is the wailing of coyotes.  Where else could one get the true flavor, the nostalgic loneliness and drama of the Old West?  During the station breaks of these programs, one is privileged to hear another sound that is still available in many areas–the wonderful sound of silence.  It is the snow falling on a still winter day or a contented cat moving across a sunlit porch.  It is the faint brushing of summer leaves or winter branches.  It is chickens wallowing in shaded dust or lazy birds flying.

Another benefit of this great invention is the refreshing sight of it.  NOTV was made for viewing and no matter where a person lives, this can be an invigorating experience.  Everything seen via this medium is in technicolor.  It is a genuine thrill to discover that the sky is blue and that mountains are white and lavender.  Trees are green too, and in autumn they turn red and gold.  NOTV also allows a person to see the faces of family and friends.  When this happens, a miracle is likely to occur.  Someone might smile at someone else and say, “It’s nice to be with you.”  This one thing alone makes No-Television worth accepting on a month’s trial offer, a free accommodation available to everyone simply for the asking.