CATEGORY: METZGER
PHOTO: SNATCHTOOTH CLAWBANG SNAGGLEFANG

The cat of some friends of ours had kittens and they wanted to give us one.  It was so cute that we accepted.  It was a tiny and adorable calico and at first we named it Cuddles.  It didn’t take us long to conclude that this was not an appropriate name.

At first this kitten could barely toddle, but soon it was obvious that it was training for the Kitten Olympics.  It would go tearing through the house, propel itself onto the sofa and attack the potted plant that was nearby.  It would climb up the draperies.  It would tear up the toilet paper and go running around the bathroom spinning it off its roll.  Its favorite thing to do was to lie in wait around the corner of the bed or a living room chair and in one leap sink its claws into my thigh.  I started wearing two pairs of Jeans just to protect myself.

We changed its name to Snatchtooth Clawbang Snagglefang.  We called it Claw for short, since Snatch was too demeaning and would probably encourage it to commit even more indiscreet outrages.